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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23016223">Dungeons and Dumbasses</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnceAndFloral/pseuds/OnceAndFloral'>OnceAndFloral</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Mechanisms (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Dungeons &amp; Dragons, Shenanigans, dnd exists in the mech universe because i say it does, no one can stop me</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 11:28:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,040</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23016223</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnceAndFloral/pseuds/OnceAndFloral</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The Mechanisms' games night surely are... something.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>146</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Dungeons and Dumbasses</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You are <i>so</i> fucking predictable,” Jonny huffed. </p>
<p>“Oh, I’m sorry, <i>I’m</i> predictable?” Lyfrassir said. “Look at your fucking character sheet.”</p>
<p>“I’ve known about this game longer than you have, Edda, you can’t tell me what is or isn’t predictable!”</p>
<p>Ivy watched her crew mates bickering around the table. This was the first time they’d brought out the Dungeons and Dragons books from her library since Lyfrassir joined the Aurora, and it was going exactly the way she had predicted it would.</p>
<p>“I’m not the one who is bending the rules to the point of breaking, D’Ville.”</p>
<p>“You chose the wild mage subclass! How is that <i>not</i> predictable for you?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lyfrassir deadpanned.</p>
<p>Jonny did not seem amused by Lyfrassir’s attempt to play dumb. “Last week you walked by some bottles of alcohol and they exploded.”</p>
<p>“You’re incorrigible.”</p>
<p><i>“You’re</i> about to be dead-”</p>
<p>“If you get blood on any of my books, I’ll kill you too,” Ivy warned. “These are really old.”</p>
<p>“It's survived a couple of our sessions now,” Tim said. “I'm sure that they'll survive another one.”</p>
<p>Ashes raised a hand. “I say we get started before Jonny and Lyfrassir kill each other in real life.”</p>
<p>“Yes, that does seem like a good idea.” Ivy leaned forward in her seat, eyes flicking between all of the players before her. “It's a dark, rainy day. The wind scrapes its way across the flat lands of a small planet. And <i>you</i> wake up in this stormy weather with no money, no map, and no memory as to how you got here…”</p>
<hr/>
<p>“I stab them with my short sword,” Jonny said. The entire table erupted into shouting.</p>
<p>“This is the <i>fifteenth</i> NPC in a row, Jonny!” Marius shouted.</p>
<p>“If they stopped walking in on the other murders I wouldn't have to kill them!”</p>
<p>“Just leave! Stop being there for them to discover you!”</p>
<p>“Each NPC you kill is another time I attempt to kill you tomorrow morning,” Tim said. “Just keep that in mind.”</p>
<p>“Says <i>you!</i> You’re just as bloodthirsty as me, you killed me literally thirty minutes before this game started!”</p>
<p>“I’m playing the game right though! It’s roleplaying, you colossal walnut!”</p>
<p>
  <i>”What kind of insult is walnut?!”</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>“I’m very angry with you right now and it’s hard to think of insults!”</i>
</p>
<p>After a fifteen minute break where Jonny and Tim stepped out into the hallway to kill each other, the game resumed.</p>
<hr/>
<p>“What did you get on your Wild Magic roll?” Ivy asked.</p>
<p>Lyfrassir was very quiet. They stared down at their dice.</p>
<p>“Lyfrassir?”</p>
<p>“I got a nat one,” They whispered. Raphaella made a sharp noise right next to them.</p>
<p>Ivy nodded, rolling her percentile dice behind the screen. Eighty seven. “Marius…”</p>
<p><i>“Me?”</i> He pointed to himself. “This is to me?”</p>
<p>“Yes. Roll Constitution.”</p>
<p>He rolled a whopping natural five.</p>
<p>“You see Lyfrassir cast a spell and immediately know something has gone terribly wrong. A second later, you feel very lightheaded, and then just very light in general as your feet leave the ground and you float into the air.”</p>
<p>“I’m flying?”</p>
<p>“Well, you’re… levitating. You drift up about twenty feet before coming to a stop.”</p>
<p>“Someone get me down from here!”</p>
<p>“Does anyone have Dispel Magic prepared?” Raphaella asked. The silence spoke for itself. “Ah.”</p>
<p>Tim raised his hand. “How long does the effect last?”</p>
<p>“Ten minutes.”</p>
<p><i> “Ten minutes?</i> That’s a hundred rounds of combat!” Marius slumped back in his street. “I’m basically a fancy lighting fixture right now.”</p>
<p>“I am <i>so</i> sorry,” Lyfrassir said.</p>
<p>“It’s fine. I’ve had worse.”</p>
<hr/>
<p>“Marius, the dragon is getting closer to the corner where you’ve hidden,” Ivy warned. </p>
<p>“Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Marius flipped through his character sheet frantically, looking for some ability or spell that could get him out of the situation he had landed himself in.</p>
<p>“I <i>told</i> you that you shouldn’t have left the party after the debacle with Jonny,” Raphaella said. “I can’t believe you managed to get cornered by the boss without any of us there.”</p>
<p>“Shut up, Raph, I’m trying to think right now!” He looked up to Ivy. “Can I cast Power Word Kill?”</p>
<p>“... You’re a cleric.” </p>
<p>“Dammit.” He ran his hands back through his hair. “Okay, I step out from my hiding place.”</p>
<p>Jonny burst out laughing. “Oh, my god, you’re going to die.” </p>
<p>“I don’t see you coming up with bright ideas!”</p>
<p>“Hey, I’m not in this scene.” Jonny held his hands up. “I’m not dealing with Tim getting mad at me for ‘meta-gaming’ again.”</p>
<p>“Okay, so, um, I cast Guidance on myself and I’m going to look up at the dragon and say-” Marius cleared his throat. “Hey, I just saw you from across the room and I thought ‘wow’ so I was wondering if you wanted to go out to dinner tonight?”</p>
<p>“Smooth,” Ashes said. </p>
<p>“It’s the best I could come up with on short notice! What do I roll?”</p>
<p>“Just a flat Charisma check,” Ivy said.</p>
<p>The whole table leaned over to watch as Marius shook the dice in his hand. “What’s your modifier?” Lyfrassir asked quietly.</p>
<p>“Plus one, but Guidance gives me a d4.” He rolled the dice. For just a second there was silence. “Nat twenty.”</p>
<p>Once again the table became a chorus of screaming and joyous shouting. </p>
<p>“I mean if anyone was going to seduce a dragon it would be Marius,” Lyfrassir grinned.</p>
<p>“Marius-” Ivy started.</p>
<p>He buried his face in his hands. “Oh, god. Oh, god I didn’t think that was going to work. Someone kill me in real life.”</p>
<p>“-the dragon leans down close to you, giving you a long, steady once over. He says: no mortal has ever dared speak to me in such a way before.”</p>
<p>“Well, I just did?”</p>
<p>“He lets out this huffing, snorting sound that takes you a second to register as laughter: Very well. It’s been a while since I had fun like this.”</p>
<p>Everyone cheered as Marius groaned into his hands.</p>
<p>“Marius the Dragon Fucker!” Jonny crowed.</p>
<p>“Do <i>not</i> call me that.”</p>
<p>“It’s high praise! You just knocked out Ivy’s boss!” </p>
<p>Ivy shook her head. Her friends could be such idiots sometimes. It really was unfortunate how much she loved them for it</p>
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